Wednesday, May 16, 2012

First World Dating Problems of a Single Black Catholic

As we all know, the Bubble Lady fancies herself a matchmaker. A CATHOLIC matchmaker. It's awesome. I love it. I commend her and I've already submitted my dossier, detailing my expectations for the future Mr. "Married to a Black Catholic". I'm perhaps joking...

But this is where my First World Dating Problems arise. I'm a Black Catholic woman. You may not know, but it's getting incredibly more difficult to find good, virtuous Catholic men. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but my generation is more concerned with being infamous, getting laid and somehow coming into a lot of loot without actually doing anything for it. With this being said,  let me introduce you to my FWDPs.

1. Black Men aren't Catholic
Read this.* Now you know where I'm coming from even though this really isn't a major issue for me, because I date across the rainbow. My previous boyfriend was Caucasian and I don't have a "racial" preference. I look more at character than complexion. However, for Catholic women that I know, who are interested in Black luck in that department.

2. Catholic dating sites SUCK
I've been there, done that. Can someone explain to me how and why guys go on a Catholic site and admit they don't believe in chastity until marriage, the immorality of contraception, the evil of abortion or even the infallibility of the Pope as a teaching authority? I'll take a few moments and wait for you to come up with a good answer. sigh   

3. It's 1952 and I live in Mississippi
The funniest part of being on a Catholic dating site that has guys admitting how not-Catholic they are, is this: Your racial preference. Honestly, with all truthfulness I've never considered why I wouldn't date someone based on their ethnicity. On the Catholic dating sites I've come across, I've always put "ANY" because I don't care. I'm obviously a radical because most of these "Catholic" guys put "White only" or add the occasional "Asian" as an option. They also tend to not answer a single important spiritual or personality question regarding what they look for in a mate. Hey, I'm all for people knowing what they like, but am I wrong to be dumbfounded by the blatant superficial and non-devout Catholic options in cyberspace?

4. I'm an alien  
I'm tall, I'm athletic, I like guns and motorcycles, I have two degrees, I enjoy philosophy, theology and history, I don't own a television, and I tend to spend my money on traveling instead of shopping.

I'm not sure how I'll go on living with such epic life shattering problems. (Round of applause for dry wit.)

The way things are looking, I guess I'll have to continue being awesome and traveling the world by myself; like a sail boat built for adventure, there is no shame in going it alone!

*I haven't forgotten to follow up on this post. I'm working on it now!


  1. Right on sister.
    I'm secretly hoping for funny stories from you on the subject from now on.

  2. Man, that's a bummer. Do you live in/near a college town? I'm not a student anymore but I attend Mass at a university chapel and there are more activities here for the young, single crowd. Seems like the type of place to meet a good Catholic man. :)

    PS - I added you to my blogroll. Keep up the good work!

  3. I found your blog through Little Catholic Bubble. :) I just have to say amen to all of this! I did the Catholic dating site thing for *years*! Oh the stories... Yeah, what is up with the non-Catholic Catholics? And the racial thing... excellent point. What century are we living in? I dated Catholic men from all backgrounds, and after it didn't work out with a guy of east Indian ethnicity was actually told by someone that it was for the "best" because our looks didn't "match" (Wha????). (At least this person wasn't claiming to be Catholic... they were liberal. So open-minded).

    Yes, keep living that awesome life. :)

  4. After being married for now almost 13 seriously scares the living daylights out of me. I will add you to my prayers. (I've already added you to my blogroll :) )

  5. Oh Andrew, I have plenty of stories!

    St. Henry - I live about 25 minutes (via freeway) from Arizona State. Trying to attend Mass there would be out of the way and honestly, I'm a lot closer to 30 (I'm still in denial about this) than 20, so trying to mingle with college kids just for the sake of meeting a potential spouse doesn't appeal to me. I have plenty of college friends and they're all interested in dating other college students, as I was in college. But thank you for the suggestion and I'm glad you're enjoying my blog!

    Sarah - I'm glad someone else knows about the struggle out there! I'd love to hear your stories. :)

    Michelle - Dating in today's world is weird; there is no other way to put it. I pray that if it's His Will, I'll find a spouse. Thank you also for your prayers!

  6. Have you tried Ave Maria singles website?
    Praying for ya...

  7. I love your blog- and the fact that you enjoy what fits YOU- irrespective of what everyone else expects of you! Just some info: there are many black Catholics in the state of Maryland, most of them (that I've met) highly intelligent, educated professionals. Maybe worth a vacation to the Chesapeake.....God bless you!

  8. I think you are on the wrong Catholic dating site. I met my husband there who does believe in pre-marital chastity, goes to mass every sunday, the infallibility of the Pope, etc. I have been hearing about various churches with large amounts of Black people, there is one in San Antonio, St. Joseph's, and I know there is one in D.C. Probably doesn't help you, because you are not there.

    It's kind of strange when people shut out other races. I get that experience a lot because I go back and forth between the world of Latino immigrants and "everyone else." I always thought I would end up marrying a short, dark-skinned, Latino and ended up marrying a tall, blonde, pale Polish-American. Then we ended up with a Guatemalan-American child :). Always makes people scratch their heads in wonder:)You never know who God has picked out for you.

  9. Hmmmm, I like what Ann suggested. And I also think you need to find connections to those churches in San Antonio and D.C….. heh heh, just because I don't see geography as any sort of boundary as you know… ;) Oh, and I think this blog will open your horizons. It's all about networking, baby!!

  10. I have a man for you! :) My brother in law has had the EXACT same problems with the Catholic dating sites. He lives in Georgia now (just moved there from Kansas City), but we live in the Phoenix area, so he does come to visit. He loves to travel, I don't think he owns a tv either, he's athletic, tall, and best of all, a good Catholic. This isn't a dating site, but if Leila wants to play match maker, I'm all about it. :)

  11. Leila, as you know, I'm always game for a vacation and the opportunity to experience new things. However, the last thing I want to do is use my blog as a round-up call for all readers to send me their brown, white, red, yellow, and green men! lol If they happen to know someone who they think may be a good fit for me, that is one thing, but I'm not interested in criscrossing the country in desperate hope of finding a man. My horizons are open, but if a good guy is out there, his horizons will be open too, and he'll find me.:)

    1. You see, Cmerie just proved my point… networking! No need to crisscross the country. :) heh heh heh….

  12. Wow, Cmerie thanks for the buzz! Where in Georgia is your brother in law? My mother actually lives there.

  13. I don't think you're alone...I agree with every. single. word. you. wrote. Catholic dating sites suck, men on those sights admit to not being faithful to Church teachings...ugh. I just want God to drop the right man on my doorstep so I don't have to date....praying for you and I love the blog :-)

  14. Angela, my friend, thank you for stopping by. It is quite sad that we can agree on something like this. I'll keep you in my prayers and hopefully God starts sending good men through FedEx :)

  15. I've had friends find love on Catholic dating sites and I've had people who would rather engage in most forms of martyrdom than deal with the people on there. I think it has to do with the specific site.

    I found my husband online but it was back in the day of personal websites and I happened to come across his 14 years ago. It was one of those weird things that I paid no attention to at the time (I was a senior in high school and he was a senior in college) but that actually worked out a few years later. It's all about networking and making connections.

    I think people who date only on the basis of race are seriously missing out. My ex-boyfriend (who actually is still a good friend of mine and of my husband) is Chinese and he opened me up to a world that I probably wouldn't have experienced otherwise.

    And yay for two degrees and being into theology/history!

  16. You are hilarious!!! Yes, I dated a black Catholic and he was very liberal and I had to break up with him-- no future there! You are gorgeous and I'm wondering if this blog will lead to many set-ups-- hmmmm....
    Your Mother's Day post had me in tears. God bless you!


  17. Faith, thank you for your compliments! Stick around for a good laugh every now and again :) God bless!

  18. Yes, Catholic dating sites suck but they're better than nothing, and yes, I know people who have met and married devout Catholic spouses, using both of the top two sites.

    I met my wonderful Catholic wife through our respective blogs. May you meet an awesome devoutly Catholic blog through yours. You never know, eh? No fees for a blog, and you never know where emailing someone who commented on your blog will go. I started out emailing, then phoning, then visiting, somewhere in all that fell in love, got married. We've been married more than 2 years now, and we're expecting our second child in August.


  19. that picture of you is really beautiful!

  20. Dear LT, you are beautiful! And your blog is one of the most enjoyable I've come across. It has JOY. May I suggest you don't look too hard? Just relax and let God bring the man to you. And keep your standards high! Ignore any advice to settle for second best. I never dated, cos the few men that I really liked were unavaialble for one reason or another. But I did end up with the BEST. Yes, Jesus Christ himself. I'm a consecrated virgin. He had his eye on me all the time and took care of all the competition. And I can tell ya, he's a very jealous God :-) The only downside is that if anything goes wrong in our relationship, I know it's me. That's the occupational hazard of being married to the perfect man!

  21. I married a baptist. After 15 years of marriage he walked into a rectory and asked to be recieved into the Church. He's gonna be the first black Knight of Columbus at our parish this year so anything is possible.

  22. So true about the Catholic dating sites! And it's an unfortunate truth about Catholic men these days. I feel your pain, girl. But we gotta keep praying and hoping! Really glad I found your blog!


  23. When I came back home to Rome, I tried looking at Catholic dating sites. Funny thing is why do what God has already been doing, matchmaking. He is really good at it, I would go on to sites like OK Cupid and realize that even those who would say they were Christian didn't act like it in the slightest. No waiting until Marriage which as a guy I can get made fun of form others of my gender but I don't mind, it comes with the territory and I think I make others question their own motives. But please I ask humbly that Catholic women commenting on this blog don't give up especially you LT Horton if I am anything I wish to be a glimmer of hope. and no this isn't a troll posing as an authentic Catholic 23 year old male, I am flesh and bone, but please keep your standards high I notice I admire women who make men go through the gauntlet, I am currently courting a super amazing lady who is also Catholic and God has certainly put us together. Women can change the world and I know if there standards started to rise not to say all women have poor standards then I know guys will follow suit. Bless you all and to you LT Horton

  24. Hahahahahhaha this blog is awesome! And I'm black and Catholic and a dude and I love the Holy Father and what not, and I must say I feel the same way about black Catholic girls. There are sooo few of them!!! Well, at least, I haven't encountered that many since I converted. I'm open to different races as well, but it can be strange when you're like the only black person at a Theology on Tap. Lol.

  25. I, too, am a black Catholic woman in search of a good Catholic man of any color. I second Ann's comment that there are a lot of faithful black Catholics in Maryland---that's where I'm from! I've got no advice, but let me know if you figure anything out.

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  33. Just came across this blog while searching for information about Black Catholics and dating. I thought I was the only single Black Catholic woman with problems! I, too, am a 'hellbent Catholic" (lol). My situation differs from yours in that I am 54 and have NEVER dated. Why? No one wants to date a devout Black Catholic woman, I guess. I have been trying to date since I was 20, and have run across the usual (and sometimes unusual) "obstacles" when discussing my faith with non-Catholic men:

    You're Catholic? Wow. Isn't that a white person's religion (quite often, lol!!!)
    You're Catholic? Oh, no. I'm sorry. I only date saved women.
    You're Catholic. So you don't believe in sex until after marriage, right? (RIGHT).
    You're Catholic. What school did you attend (an all girls Catholic high school). I heard girls that went to all girl schools were lesbian (WHAT??????????????).

    And these responses from "Catholic" men....

    You wear a scapular? Really. My grandmother wore one of those. I think mine is in my dresser somewhere.
    You spend so much time in church. Why?
    Do you really still pray the rosary?
    Have you considered becoming a nun? (I've been asked this more times than I can count, and my answer is the same...Yes, and I don't feel a calling to religious or consecrated life. Why do you think I should become a nun? I usually get the response that I am "pious", "devout", "church going" (should we all fit into categories?). I then state that I am interested in dating and marrying a practicing Catholic man, and there are crickets...then mumbling....then "have a nice day". Really?????
    You go to Mass EVERY Sunday (Yes, and to a Tuesday novena when I can, and First Friday Mass, and to Mass on Saturday when I can. What's your point?).'
    You know, this is the 21st Century. Catholic women can wear makeup (sorry I didn't have it plastered on when I was talking with you).
    You know, you might be able to get a date if you would (wear makeup, dress differently, get braces (really!!), lose weight, dye my hair,etc). And where do I fit in my love of the Church, devotion to the Blessed Mother, fidelity to the Holy Father and more? Oh yeah, between getting my braces and riding a treadmill. Wow!

    I attend a church in the suburbs because a) they offer a 8:00 a.m. Sunday Mass and b) they follow a more traditional form of Mass than the churches in the city. The church has over 1500 families and four Masses on Sundays, which are typically 3/4 full. Great spot to meet a fellow Catholic, right? WRONG? Here's the breakdown: 40% of the men are married, 25% are widowed and not thinking about dating or marriage, 15% are dating, and the other 20% are either too young or not interested in dating a Black Catholic woman. I briefly considered going on a Catholic website, but after reading some of these posts I am not so sure.

    Right now, I am going through a real "low" in my life. I have been unemployed for several years. I am helping my father, who is semi-retired, but I need to get a job soon. I am also depressed at seeing so many people in love, married and receiving so many blessings from God. My sister and nience, both of whom are Catholic only by baptism, are in relationships and appear to be happy.

    I know it is sinful and against the Commandments to be envious, but I am envious of those Catholics who are dating or married. I have prayed for DECADES for the experience of one date but so far, nothing. Sometimes, I cry about my situation because it hurts really bad. Despite all this, I continue to be the "real, 100%, Catholic" woman in my family.

    I will pray that you will soon find a Catholic man who shares our love and fidelity to the Faith. Girl, never EVER compromise your standards for the sake of a date. As lonely as I am right now, I would rather live a thousand years this way than to do anything contrary to my faith.

    Take care and God Bless!